Last week I had to suspend my gym membership due to lack of funds. It was sort of a big deal, because that is how I shower each day.
It’s been an interesting few days since the suspension as I try to navigate a new sort of routine fit for the rock star that I am and admittedly it has been difficult trying to find an inexpensive or free shower that actually leaves me feeling clean.
For a little while I was in tears and feeling sorry for myself about it all as well as beating myself up for many choices I’ve made over the past several months….
That’s when my inner mother sort showed up and hugged my inner child as she said, “What’s done is done and you can’t change the past… and really you were doing the best you could in each step of this adventure. You’ve been walking a tight rope each and everyday… and you’re doing a GREAT job. I’m very proud of you.”
That actually made me feel quite safe and comforted and it inspired me to change my mind. I decided that I would see this as an adventure and that it would be fun and even though I can’t see how this is good for me in the long run, that I would embrace it as a brilliant opportunity which is serving me in some big and amazing way.
Those thoughts left me feeling much lighter and even excited to have the opportunity to be in this experience. It’s funny how a simple shift of the mind can change EVERYTHING and anything.
It’s only been a few days, but I’ve had a shower everyday so far. Last night was really fun too. You see, my new friends who are temporarily here from England who totally get what I am doing have been here for me every step of the way since last week when things got really uncomfortable in a number of ways. They’ve been here to listen as I cry, they’ve surprised me with brownies (my favorite) and helped with gas money and real food too… they do this all with complete ease and even joy. They’ve both said, “We’re here for four more weeks… USE us.”
So, last night I went to their place to shower. It was great! We had beer and chatted for awhile and when I showered it was stated, “Make yourself comfortable and take your time.” I did take my time… it was lovely. I felt truly clean when I got out and then relaxed into a sense of community as we watched King Kong and ate chocolate chip cookies.
It may sound small to anyone reading this… but last night touched me deeply. I love that I hardly know these people and I LOVE seeing the unconditional love and support which flows from them with such ease. I love that even though this is happening in America, these guys are British and it makes the idea of global family come alive a little more.
I don’t know where I will shower tonight, but I’m excited to see how it all comes together and how I will get to experience more of this goodness from other human beings. Even though I’m excited to get my gym membership re-started in a few weeks, I’m even more excited to be in this right now, because not having a stable place to shower or eat really and truly leaves me open to give the home in my heart and receive home from the heart of others. I cannot stay separate as I am experiencing my life right now and to me it is such a gift to truly experience oneness and trust at the level I am in this moment.
I don’t know where this all will take me… I’m starting to get an idea, but in the meantime I choose to fully enjoy and consciously take in all the scenery along the way.