Hello Blog Followers-
My intention with this post is to clearly illustrate why I have made the choice to live the lifestyle that I have chosen for myself at present. Yesterday, as I sent out a prayer request I realized that it is not clear to some people what I am doing and I am so thankful for that message and the shining opportunity it provided for me to get clear about what I am visioning toward and share it with the public.
First of all, thanks to a witty and wise friend’s advice, I have chosen to re-frame my lifestyle in this way; “I am a rolling stone who is currently on tour.” The word “homeless” carries a connotation which does not paint an accurate picture of what I actually view my reality as.
What exactly is my reality?
Well, I became a Rolling Stone for several reasons (and naturally each reason is it’s own onion with many layers). One of the biggest reasons is that it has been a dream of mine for the past few years to create a global family, which in a nutshell is a cycle of beauty, love and grace which inspires both myself and every life I touch with a greater awareness of our global oneness and ability to help one another as a family despite perceived short comings and an illusion of being separate. The theme of this mission as I see it at this point in it’s evolution is, “Pay it Forward.”
I acknowledge this is a very outside the box idea, and trust me it took a long time trying to figure out how to create it and also to trust the visions which were coming from my heart. I did not wake up one day and say, “Eh, I guess I’ll just be homeless and directionless now.” No, it was a series of events over several years in which the universe was (I believe) nudging me in this direction.. and anyway my day to day life is filled with conscious purpose and many miracles. Mostly, I enjoy my choice. Though sometimes it is difficult as life happens in between it all and I find myself wondering if I have a safety net. (As my friends know, I don’t have a family (by choice which will be further clarified in the book/(possibly) screenplay I am working on), nor do I have a solid support system… which is sort of the personal beauty of this for me because I get to create an amazing support system with like-minded people as I spread the message living inside of me while learning all sorts of things about asking for help and trusting which I think will contribute to building the global family… after all, if I don’t reach out, make myself vulnerable and open myself up to unconditional support… then how can I inspire greater awareness of global oneness? If I myself, don’t open myself to receive and pay it forward, how can I have anything to show when I tell people what I am doing? The only way I see to create a global family at present is to live it.
I am inclined to say at this point “Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it, and it may manifest in ways that aren’t so obvious to see.” I am a firm believer that our thoughts create our realities, and for the past few years on a daily basis, I would actually say, “I’m going to create a global family.” Well, I kept getting signs on how to do that, but for awhile I chose to perceive them as inconvenient “hardships” and was only seeking my answers on how to learn from those hardships by trying to fit my attempted solutions with societies norms…. this wasn’t working for me and as a result I started feeling more and more trapped, more cut off from myself and farther and farther away from my purpose. Now i see those little “hardships” as huge blessings which have sent me on my way taking action steps to co-creating a global family.
As I said, I was feeling suffocated and trapped with my day to day existence by trying to fit in with who society says I should be as a 29 year old female in America. I was MISERABLE and due to that series of hardships I made the choice to go in the direction of my heart. My soul and my heartfelt desires could not stand being held back anymore waiting for the “right time” to emerge. I desired freedom, the freedom to create my life as I choose, to live my life in the direction of that creation and to cease falling victim to a life that was not mine and take an empowering step to becoming who I know I am and what I feel my life’s purpose is all about.
When making this choice, I knew that sleeping in my car could be a side-effect. Do I like sleeping in my car?… not really. Is it horrible? Not really. It’s like sleeping in an airplane seat. I have been so fortunate to have friends come into my life at the right time who really hear what I am saying and offer to help with unconditional love. My goal in living is to float around until I get to the next leg of this quest. Right now, I cannot see how the money will manifest to take this mission abroad, or even out of state… nor do I see how this will manifest on a world wide scale. I do know it’s possible. I do know this vision is very much alive within me and I do know that as my faith wavered the other night and I cried as I asked God/Source/Spirit to give me some clarity as I questioned whether I should just throw in the towel, give up on my current life, get a real job, some roommates, and live the “normal” life, I woke the next morning with the first thing my eyes saw (I fell asleep next to my open computer) being a video posted on facebook with the words “watch watch watch” next to it. Within the video was an interview with Will Smith where he said something like, “When you know what you want… when you know who you are there is no Plan B… only Plan A… no Plan B.” The thing is, that really resonated with me on a very deep level. That is how I have lived my life most of the time, but always felt guilty doing because it doesn’t “fit,” and as a result of that guilt, I was always stagnet and holding myself back while judging myself for being myself.
That’s the thing though, I am different. I am a walking paradox in every way. I am outside the box and it’s about time I just own it already and get on with my purpose.
This is getting long….
To sum it up:
I am choosing to be free in every way. I am choosing to float. I am choosing to trust. I choose to live by my own rules as I go out into the delicious unknown as I make my dreams a reality.
My goal is to find families and different ways of being to stay with for donated times with the whole idea being to “pay it forward” so as to keep it a process that grows and expands. HOWEVER- as stated, I am interested in seeing other peoples ways of being and part of that involves ways of working out fair trades. For example, I will be cleaning a friends house for awhile as a result of some recent help. I have no issue with this, and I am glad to give back. Another big keyword with this mission and myself is freedom; freedom for my vision of a global family to expand and evolve as it should without placing any limitations on it (in my opinion authentic oneness is limitless). As for myself, freedom for me to be me. (Look at the Connotation of Rolling Stone… basically a good metaphor would be that I am currently booking hotels for my tour dates.. don’t worry, if you are one of my hotels… I won’t thrash your space. My practice is to leave it better than I found it).
I am simply open to my journey. I know the end result… well beginning result once it gets big… but for right now this idea is still a fetus… I haven’t officially met it yet and must do the best I can to design it’s existence based off of what I feel inside of my heart. For right now, I can only start locally.
I hope that clarifies things.
Thank you so much.