One beautiful sunny day, a young man is taking a stroll at a park. He feels glad that he is alive and has the time to bask in the breath-taking scenery. He feels the warm sun caress his arms, and the soft breeze gently toussel his hair. As he strolls, he watches children play, ducks quack, dogs rolling in the grass, and lovers sprawled out on blankets who can’t seem to get close enough. He thinks to himself, “I am so blessed to be a part of this day, I couldn’t ask for anything more in my life.”
All of the sudden, he notices an attractive girl who is looking at him and giggling with her friends. He waves, unsure of what exactly they are giggling about, and goes back to drinking in all of the beauty that he is surrounded by. He becomes lost in his thoughts again, but is jolted back to earth as this girl taps his shoulder and says, “Hi, my name is Ruby.” He finds himself tongue-tied and realizes that Ruby has a magnificent energy and beauty. He finally chokes out, “Hi, my name is Glenn.” Ruby starts walking with him, and Glenn doesn’t resist. As they walk, they make nervous conversation until there is no more park left, so they take a seat and proceed to talk for hours about anything either one of them can think of. Though the conversation is awkward and even a little painful, neither one of them wants it to stop. Finally, they watch the sun set and exchange phone numbers.
They begin dating and fall madly in love with one another. They enjoy a passionate courtship full of physical and mental bliss. They consider themselves lucky to have found someone who compliments the other so well, like the missing puzzle piece to the jigsaw collage of life. They both wonder how they even got through life without the other one before.
Finally, Glenn proposes. They have a beautiful wedding where they both make flowery promises of how they will always love each other just as they do now- until death do them part. Just when both of them thought life couldn’t get any better, they welcome a beautiful baby into the world. Ruby and Glenn become quiet and find little need to speak because there is a silent understanding that they are living in their own heaven on earth.
The baby is now two years old and Glenn and Ruby find themselves bogged down with work responsibilities, financial woes in the shaky economy, and child- rearing. Ruby is constantly over-whelmed by toting little Lilly around to mommy and me classes, baby yoga, and trying to politely tell her mother- in- law that though she appreciates her advice, she really doesn’t need it, and promises to ask if she does think of a question. Ruby also has a full-time job, but secretly wants to quit and be a full time mommy. She cannot do that though, because times are rough for many Americans, and she wants to help keep her family afloat. She is growing resentful of Glenn because she works 40 hours a week and does all of the cooking and cleaning. Glenn is working full time as well and tries to help with getting Lilly from point A to point B. He constanly listens to Ruby complain about his mothers helping, and also listens to his moms concerns about Ruby’s potential as a wife and mother. Glenn takes care of balancing the check book and all other financial up keep and is quietly growing angry at Rubys spending habits. As he balances the check book, he asks himself, “Why did Ruby need a new pair of Danskos? Aren’t these expensive shoes supposed to last forever? Why do we have to shop at whole foods….what’s wrong with Safeway? Is baby yoga really necessary?”
Soon enough, Ruby and Glenn’s concerns reach a boiling point, and they start arguing quite a bit. Glenn consults with his mother about how to handle these disagreements, which makes poor Rubys life unbearable from the now constant barrage of condescending “help” from a woman who doesn’t think very highly of her. One night, after holding her rage in from trying to maintain patience with Glenns mothership, she gives Glenn an ultimatum: “Stop talking to your mother about our most personal business and go to therapy with me, or I’m leaving.” Glenn reluctantly agrees.
They go to sleep that night next to each other, but completely separate from one another. They are now strangers who do not share genuine embraces, their love making has become mechanical and unenjoyable….it’s just something they do because they are married, and that’s part of the job description. They are on the verge of becoming worst enemies.
How did this happen? How did such a promising love turn into a relationship that struggles to hold on? How did they grow to hate one another? Can they make it? Further, can they make it so they are doing more than merely filling the minimum job requirements of a marriage?
This was an introduction to a twenty something page research paper I wrote a few years ago, following my divorce about whether or not a successful and happy marriage is possible. I thought I lost the paper, but happened to stumble across it today. What I concluded was science is not a solid source to look to when dealing with relationships and marriage, therefore making this into an academic paper was a tedious task which left me no answers to my questions… but then again, are there any true answers to anything? Since I believe we are all spiritual beings on a human journey, how can I believe that there was any one answer to this paper? I guess my fault in choosing this (especially) as a topic, is that I couldn’t pick a side. A part of me believes in a fairytale ending with prince charming; the divorced side of me says no way no how… and my innate wisdom says, there is a balance. You can have a version of happily ever after, but it won’t be like the Disney movies… it will require work, and the work will be worth it if both parties are completely present.
I just had an urge to post this. It was fun and theraputic to write, and what is so interesting was that the day after writing this, I really was at the park (standing in the EXACT place I was picturing in my head as I wrote these words) giggling about a guy with a friend, but couldn’t find the courage to talk to him because I was just not in the right mental space back then….. but oh how my heart danced as his energy passed by and waved with a smile. Interesting how our thoughts create our realities, isn’t it?
In reference to the fun part of this story and how that manifested into reality, I am inclined to say: Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it, and if you are offered your desire, will you have enough courage to put your past ‘failures’ behind you and give something (relationship, career, finance or anything) another whirl?
*Photo found on google images.
© Copyright Lindsey Hiroms and/or Currie Rose 2010. All rights reserved.