I used to keep this same blog filled with random stories about my life. There was no real theme to the outsiders eye, but to me it was a perfectly imperfect string of stories that highlighted the strength, beauty, kindness and grace of the human spirit. When I say human spirit I mean it in a way that we are all included; I mean it with infinite oneness.
Recenctly, (like four hours ago) I was reflecting on the small kind gestures of others which have had a great impact on my life and ultimately are making my current day to day life much easier than it could be. You see, about eight weeks ago, I voluntarily made myself homeless. For the first seven weeks, I stayed with friends, and about three days ago I began sleeping in my car.
This is where I expect most people would be asking, “Why on earth did you volunteer for that?”
Well, it’s a long story and I am currently writing my memoirs, so most of it will be in there… but a quick backstory would be this:
Recently, funds got tight due to a culmination of things and mostly because of a cut to my already ‘abundance challenged’ monthly income, I found myself at a crossroads with a very distinct choice to make:
1: Continue to struggle like mad here in LA trying to pay rent, and bills. Have an irregular option to eat healthy and wholesome foods (dependent on money), and partake in a heart pounding mini panic attack if I do something nice for myself which leads to frantic calls to the bank and negative self defeating thoughts that completely cancel out any nice gesture of self love and acknowledgment that I make. Also to get a ‘normal’ job which has proven time and time again to suck the vitality out of my soul and make me feel like I am very far away from my highest purpose in this life, which would ultimately take more time out of my life enrolled in two schools while trying to figure out and own who I really am.
2: Take a leap of faith, and choose to begin writing the memoirs (as my very full time job) I have told myself about writing for the past seven years or so. Drop one of my schools and live rent free inside of my car. This choice would leave me the money to eat healthy everyday as well as money to keep my bills from being on the brink of ’collections bait.’ Treat myself to something self honoring on a regular basis sans triggering my hair to fall out due to heart pounding anxiety. (I must note here: this option merely gives me more room to breath and feel free… it does not make me rich… if I made that much money I wouln’t have had a choice to make in the first place).
To me it was an easy choice to look at on paper. Number two is my choice hands down!
Things did happen for a few weeks there, but I am actually sleeping in my car at present, and you know what? It’s not as dismal as everyone makes it out to be. I think when people hear the word ‘homeless’ they get all panicky… heck, I used to as well. I always used to think I was a devout homebody and creature of comfort… and I actually am, but not in a stifling way, I am just as fond of trusting the flow of life, taking leaps of faith, finding myself and experiencing the evolution of my soul and purpose for being in this particular human experience.
I am a very lucky person, I am experiencing homelessness in the most comfortable way. Since I tossed out the idea of paying rent, I bought a yoga membership so as to get my body back in shape which also gives me access to a shower in a clean atmosphere. In fact, my time there today is what got me thinking about this blog post. What inspired my inspiration (which I am getting to) is that I planned on taking a class today at noon and then take my shower afterward. However, my laundry plans ended up making me fifteen minutes late for the class… I decided to go in anyway and see if it would be okay for me to sneak in late… then I hit a traffic block and the closest parking garage was full. I know from experience that parking under those conditions can take about forty mintues, so I assumed that I missed my window and let out an “ah well, I guess I am not meant to shower yet, I’ll just catch the next class starting in four hours.”
As I went about my day, I was realizing that I really wanted a shower sooner rather than later. I find being homeless, it is very important for me to keep my mind focused on cleanly thoughts so as to keep my vibration high and not accidently buy into a misconception that I am ‘down and out.’ So, I called the yoga place and asked if I could shower even though I didn’t take a class. The response was filled with warmth as the voice on the other end of the phone said, “Yes, of course-you’re in here like all of the time… of course!”
So, I went in there and got my nice empty locker room shower. It was a welcome sort of privacy I haven’t experienced for several weeks…it was like I had my own bathroom.
As I was doing my girl routine of hair/lotion etc, I again found this warm fuzzy feeling of gratitude (which has been bubbling up several times a day), but this time it was different. I started thinking about the many blessings I have received since beginning this adventure and I found a clear realization that none of my comfort would be possible if it weren’t for other people. Which further reinforced my belief that nothing belongs to us and at this point in my life I am feeling those words more than ever which is causing the seed of gratitude that once grew to a beautiful and cozy little plant to further bend and stretch and reach for the beautiful life affirming sun of infinite gratitude for countless blessings.
Here is what I realized. I can’t know anything for sure, but I think I have been lead down this road because I get to live (one of) my many goals before I actually do it, as there is no better way to teach than by example. This much coveted goal has been to create a world wide cycle of abundance love joy and all things that inspire and lift the human spirit in which each individual gives something; spiritual, material, emotional etc and then gets it back in equal or greater amounts from somewhere else down the road. I want to create a cycle that is based on unconditional love for all spiritual beings on this planet; regardless of percieved ”wrong” doings or “right” doings. It already exists, but I think we can do better. Quite simply it is a cylce of karma. More specifically, I like to call this dream a ‘global family’. I think there is plenty of karma to go around; we all get it and help others to create theirs by partaking in their personal journeys. Further, we all have the ability to influence the good kind of karma starting first with ourselves.
Anyway, I believe we can live in a world full of more love, light and unconditional support from the deep well of oneness in which we all live. We all have it in us and I do believe that is why we are all here, to learn to share it.
So, in what I am doing… I don’t know how long it will go on for…. I think I will know whenever I arrive at where I need to be next. But right now, I am in awe of my heart and my ability to follow it, as I have currently put myself into a situation where I have no choice but to be vulnerable and flow with this cycle. I have been helping people for awhile now, but often tend to shy away from people when I need help, and right now I have no choice but to let others see my own light and help me if I need it.
So many little cycles of karma have happened so quickly through this… I can’t wait to share!
I invite you to follow along my homeless experience. :)
Until next post.
*I got this photo from google images; it is Rob Breszny whose inspirational writing you can find at http://www.realastrology.com
© Copyright Lindsey Hiroms and/or Currie Rose 2010. All rights reserved.